The Four-Word Solution to Most of Your Conflicts

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Most of us try to avoid conflict. It portends confrontation, is uncomfortable at best, and is horribly violent at worst. What if SOME of the conflicts you have could be productive and leave you feeling relieved? I have an idea.

Even though we try to avoid conflict, we experience it every day. Around the globe, at work, in the boardroom, among family members. Here are some tools to use to resolve conflict constructively. You may be familiar with them, but I offer a simple approach, even a handy list at the end.

Resolution can provide the relief and personal calm we all crave. You have to recognize two things: (1) try as you might, you cannot control others, and (2) you can control your own perspective, reactions, and anger.

I will tell you the four words, but not yet.

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It’s All about Us — How to Win with Kindness

With the improbable means of kindness, we can improve the quality of our communication and develop opportunities to collaborate. As a lawyer and mediator over the last 35-plus years, I have discovered that kindness is the “secret sauce” in the recipe for managing conflict and improving the milieu in which we live. We can’t eliminate conflict. However, with the improbable means of kindness, we can improve the quality of our communication and develop opportunities to collaborate instead of oppress and kill. … Read more

Convenient Scheduling and Mediating

Read as PDF Our new online calendaring system has helped streamline the process of booking a mediation. Instead of losing time playing phone tag, you can check Rande’s availability on our website,, and click on Scheduling. You can hold dates and book mediations on the same calendar once counsel have agreed on a date. (Rande also can help if you’re having trouble agreeing on a … Read more

Los Angeles Daily Journal Profile of Rande Sotomayor – April 10, 2020

If you are a Los Angeles Daily Journal subscriber, check out Rande’s profile on Friday, April 10, 2020 in the Verdicts & Settlements section. It was an honor to have been portrayed as a mediator who “‘is exceptionally committed to striking a balance between opposing parties,’ as demonstrated by ‘her refusal to act as anyone’s cheerleader, her ability nonetheless to build positive relationships with all sides, and her dedication to following up until a resolution has been reached.'” … Read more

Rande Sotomayor Inducted into National Academy of Distinguished Neutrals

Read as a PDF We are pleased to announced that Rande has been inducted into the National Academy of Distinguished Neutrals (NADN). The NADN is an invitation-only association of ADR professionals distinguished by their hands-on experience in the field of civil and commercial conflict resolution. Click here for our recent newsletter announcement.

“Remote” Mediation – Not Just for Pandemics?

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Mediation is a human-centered process of resolution. Whether the party is a giant corporation or a single individual, problems arise and are resolved through people. The emotional connections, relationships, and trust that are the basis for any deal usually demand in-person contacts. 

But this is 2020, and business has decentralized, internationalized, and exploded into the “cloud.” People enjoy new freedom to work remotely from anywhere. Business travel is expensive and time-consuming. 

We have been using technology in mediation for a long time. Briefs are mostly e-mailed. Large exhibits are shared through cloud storage services like Dropbox. Participants bring PowerPoint presentations on flash drives. Settlement agreements are generated, transmitted, and often signed electronically. So far this is the technical end of the mediation. What about the vital human connections that make or break the process? 

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New Beginnings – Rethinking “Readiness” for Mediation

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The Chinese Lunar New Year begins on January 25, 2020. This is a Year of the Rat. As the first animal in the Chinese zodiac, the Rat is associated with cleverness, success, energy, wealth, wellness, and overall renewal.

You might see this as a great year to really bring your New Year’s Resolutions to fruition. I think it is a great year to rethink your approach to mediation. These days, mediation looks more and more like litigation, the risky, adversarial alternative that mediation is intended to avoid.

In the world of 2020, “preparedness” for the risks of damage from natural, technological, and political disasters is at the forefront of many people’s minds. Preparedness is about being ready to withstand attack or adversity. Preparation includes things people do to get ready. Being “prepared” for mediation requires doing a lot of things and being ready for the adversity participants will have to contend with in negotiations.

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Words Matter. Tone Matters. Get Results.

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I just returned from the 15th ICC International Commercial Mediation Competition among law and business students from around the world. Held each February in Paris, it is a mediation negotiation and advocacy tournament in which teams of two students serving as client and attorney try to “win” the mediation session and advance until the remaining two teams face off in the final “match.” The scoring is based on criteria including effective Opening Statements, Advancing Your Interests, Teamwork between Counsel and Client, Information Gathering and Ascertaining the Other Party’s Interests, Seeking to Collaborate with the Other Party, Working Together to Develop Options, and Making Good Use of the Mediator.

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Evidence Code Section 1129 – Are You Complying?

Check out my article in the August 2019 issue of The Advocate magazine on California’s Evidence Code Section 1129. You can read it online here  or download the pdf version. The new section requires attorneys and their clients to sign a printed disclosure of mediation confidentiality restrictions, including the fact that even private attorney-client communications cannot be used if the clients sue for malpractice. … Read more